6 Tips for Parenting Your Grown Kids

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Parenting is undoubtedly among life’s most significant trials. It requires a lot of patience, tolerance, and selflessness, and the difficulty of parenting only increases as your children grow up. Grown kids now have more experience and knowledge and have had time to develop their world views. These new ideas can lead them to disagree with your perspectives and develop clashes in your parent-child relationships. These situations can lead to you and your kids drifting apart. You can avoid such precarious situations by keeping in mind the tips mentioned below: 

1. Treat Grown Kids Like Adults

When your children are all grown up, you must treat them with a different attitude, and you can not continue to make decisions for them like when they were three. You need to consider them as adults and stop imposing your will upon them. Remember that you no longer have to overprotect them. You have to let them gain experience from the real world and respect their decisions.

Be there for their counsel when they need it, and ask for their advice on your problems, too: consult them on matters so that they know you trust them. This effort will make your kids realize how happy you are to see them grow and make their place in the world. Such a mutually respecting relationship will make them want to spend more time with you and converse with you.

2. Set Boundaries

Whether your children live with you at home or have moved out, you need to set boundaries. Boundaries with your children go both ways. You have to be respectful of their choices and understand that even though you may be their parent, you may not be the first person they contact in an emergency. Similarly, you should not engage them with all the problems in your life and share excessive details about your relationships. 

You should have a proper conversation with your children about where to set the boundaries. Lay out what is okay and not okay to do and discuss things. By drawing appropriate lines in your relationship, you and your kids will be less likely to enter into arguments and have disagreements.

3. Spend Time Together

Spending time with one’s family enhances family ties and promotes a healthy family dynamic. So, even if your children have moved out and started their own families, you should still take time out and spend it together. Try to make this period meaningful and engaging. You can do anything, from shopping to going on a long drive or sitting down to have an afternoon tea.

You should also ensure that this quality time is not forced on your child and that they are happy to participate in activities with you. Otherwise, it will have the opposite effect.

4. Be a Consultant, Not an Enforcer

As a parent, you need to realize that you do not have control over how your child wishes to carry out their life. While you may have sacrificed a lot to raise them and for them to be where there are today, those were your decisions, and your kids are not supposed to repay you for your troubles by living the life you dictate. 

They have the right to choose their career path. For example, your child may want to become a nurse transitioning from a BSN to FNP online while you wish for them to become a doctor. You can not order them to change their majors, but you should act as a means of support instead.

Give them advice on why you believe being a doctor is more beneficial than being a nurse. They may choose to accept your wishes at the cost of their contentment, and that will only make you feel bad later on. You need to remember that their decisions are their own to make. This understanding is key to building a happy relationship with grown children.

5. Be Open Minded About Their Relationships

Aside from accepting their career choice, you should also be open-minded when it comes to them choosing their significant others. Sure teenage children do not have experience in relationships and may be unable to make the right decision for themselves regarding a partner. Even then, you should be open in your approach and trust your child’s judgment while advising them about the qualities they should seek in an amiable partner.

When your kid has all grown up, you should understand that they’ve learned from heartbreaks and are now making thoughtful decisions about their significant others. You should also put aside your prejudices when meeting your child’s partner and know that your child probably knows more about them than you. You should not make a strict judgment based on a first impression. 

6. Discuss Plans for the End of Your Life

As your children grow up and enter a mature age, you will grow older as well. Old age and death can be sensitive and uncomfortable topics for you and your child, but a lack of communication here will only lead to arguments and conflicts. Sit with your children and discuss what you require from them in your old age and after death. You can tell them how you wish to spend the last days of your life in a senior home facility or with them and their families.

You should also discuss important matters like your will and how you would prefer your funeral arrangements. For example, if you would like an open or closed casket, who you want or do not want to attend, and what should your funeral sermon be about. This conversation may be on a heart-wrenching topic, but discussing this with your kids earlier on will prepare them for the day. 

Endnote

You may not even realize it, but one day your child will be all grown up. They will no longer run to you when they fall off their bicycle or tell you all about their day, and it will be unfair of you to continue treating them like the past. While you will always be their parents and have the best regards for them in your hearts, you need to understand that your children need more autonomy as they grow up.

By following the above-listed tips, you can ensure that you have a perfect balance where you look out for your kids and give them the freedom to make their own life choices. This will bring harmony to your parent-child relationship, and you will find your children close to you while they grow up. 

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Diane Myrie is a guidance counselor and an advocate for children's mental health. She has been writing blogs to share her expertise in her field. In her free time, Diane enjoys traveling with family.

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