You want it all — the white picket fence and the corner office in the uptown accounting firm. How practical are your aspirations? Is it really possible to balance a full-time job with being a mom?
Millions of women make it work every day, although doing so is often less a matter of choice than of economic necessity. Therefore, it’s possible — but you want to do more than merely survive. You want to thrive.
What you need are practical tips on how to balance family and career. You’ve come to the right place for down-to-earth ideas. Here’s your guide to having it all without losing your mind in the process.
How Do I Balance My Full-Time Job and Being a Mom?
What’s your first step to balancing family and career? Take a deep breath and close your eyes — yes, even with that budget report weighing on your mind and scattered Legos everywhere threatening your bare feet. Begin by practicing radical acceptance.
What’s that? Although modern psychologists like to take credit for the concept, radical acceptance builds on the Buddhist principle that what causes suffering is not the situation itself but your attachment to it.
You want things to be perfect. However, chances are, that isn’t going to happen. Dishes will pile up in the sink when you have a tight deadline and your kiddos will take off to school with unmatched socks and their shirts inside out.
That doesn’t mean that your life can’t still be very, very good — but if you spend every waking moment thinking about how things “should” be, as opposed to how they are, you will go stark raving mad from all the pressure in short order. You’ll also be cranky, perfectionistic and difficult to be around, not the best attributes for parenthood.
What else does balancing a full-time job and being a mom look like in practical terms? It may mean that being on call 24 hours a day as an ER surgeon isn’t the best choice for single moms without partners and families willing to provide child care. You can still enjoy a medical career, especially when advances like remote patient monitoring let physicians track and manage data for chronic illness patients from their home offices.
If you want to balance a full-time job with being a mom, you have to accept that you face more daily responsibilities than nearly any human being at any other time in history. Think about it: back in the days when a single income was enough to raise a family, the breadwinner spent 40 hours a week at work. They still had plenty of time to relax — why? Because the other partner took care of the lioness’ share of housework and child-rearing.
Those days are gone. Now? You get to do it all. Even partnered moms spend two hours more per day handling unpaid labor like the dishes, and single moms have shoulders to rival Hercules.
Therefore, talk to your employer about solutions like remote and flextime work that lets you squeeze in a chore or two in between meetings. You might even consider options that allow you to keep your kiddos with you while you work, such as opening a small community daycare. Hey, if the other moms in your playdate circle need something closer and more affordable, you could solve their problems and become an entrepreneur.
Flexibility is the name of the game. Deciding to have kids is to make a lifelong commitment to another human being. Your precious angel didn’t ask to be born, and they rely on you to make the right choices that put their needs above your career ambitions. Neglect isn’t a fair price for your baby to pay for a little extra money during their formative years — and need we mention the precious moments you could miss and never get back?
5 Tips to Help You Balance Family and Career
Are you ready for your 5-step list of practical tips to help you balance your family and career? Here’s what you need to do, preferably before you conceive.
1. Decide What Matters to You
Most people feel a biological compulsion to procreate for a good reason: It’s mother nature’s way of ensuring our species continues. However, humans are also capable of higher-order thinking, including determining how many children to have, if any.
You might have always dreamed of a large family. Two children create more work than one, impacting your career. You also have to consider the childcare burden, as enrolling two children in daycare can cost more than your monthly rent.
You and your partner may disagree on certain things, but you should see eye to eye on when to have children and how many. Given the current sorry state of reproductive health care in the United States, you should also discuss permanent birth control solutions for when you complete your family.
What if you’re single, and your biological clock is ticking? Get everything in order — including a rock-solid career — before you explore your parenting options.
2. Make a Schedule
Your organizer is your best friend as a busy mom balancing family and career. Choose a paper version or app that works for you and keep it with you as religiously as your cellphone. It’s invaluable when you get so frazzled, you can’t remember what comes next.
Use the same approach with your kiddos — as a bonus, they’ll have a head start on time management that will put them ahead of their peers academically. Sit down on Sunday evenings and fill out your weekly planner together and post to-dos like chore lists on the fridge where you can easily check them off and see that they’re complete.
3. Everything in Its Place
Lost stuff is perhaps a busy parent’s biggest time-waster. It’s also incredibly stress-inducing to spend every other morning looking for the homework that the dog ate.
The hardest hurdle you face here is getting everyone in your household on the same page, especially if you have a partner who scatters things everywhere. However, creating a place for everything and keeping what belongs there in it will save you countless hours and possibly prevent the need to dye those gray hairs at age 28.
4. Honor Your Boundaries
If you aren’t comfortable setting boundaries in your workplace, the time to start honing the skill is before you have kids. Radical honesty with your employer might sound like a scary approach, especially if you’re as financially insecure as most Americans. However, while they are hard to find, there are supportive companies out there — and you have a much better chance of finding the right fit to help you balance family and career if you are proactive.
For example, be bold when interviewing. Ask questions like the following to gauge a prospective employer’s attitude toward work-life balance:
- What does a typical day look like in this role?
- What is your policy on telecommuting? How long have you had it, and how do you measure employee success?
- What makes your company culture unique? What would other team members say is their favorite thing about working here (and ask them, if possible)?
- Does this role require frequent travel or unusual hours? What type of notice do you give employees about schedule changes?
5. Nurture Your Support Network
Your support network is your biggest asset as a working mom. However, it’s all too easy to slip into the entitlement trap. Please remember, just because your mother-in-law typically watches the littles when you work late, she also has a life. Thank her for her help if you don’t reward her financially and have a backup sitter at the ready instead of guilt-tripping her for making a hair appointment on budget meeting day.
Keep the dialogue open. For example, if you need your partner to pickup more of the emotional labor in your household, choose a time when you both feel relaxed to raise the issue without accusations. Loving partners will respond positively if they don’t feel attacked — if they don’t, you might have deeper issues to address with a therapist.
6. Take Time for Yourself (Yes, Really)
Your kids come first, then your career — then you? Think again. As tempting as it is to dismiss your needs, you can’t donate from an empty storage bin. Dedicate at least 30 minutes a day to positive self-care.
What does it look like? It can be as simple as setting a time-out signal at home and engaging in positive, stress-relieving activities. As a bonus, teaching this skill to your little ones helps them develop emotional regulation. You might:
- Go off to a quiet room and write in your journal
- Put on your favorite tunes and challenge your kids to a dance-off in the living room
- Practice yoga and meditation
How Moms Can Balance Family Time With Wanting to Advance Their Careers
You want to have it all. However, your sanity matters more than anything. What’s the point of balancing a full-time job with being a mom if you feel like you’re losing your mind from all the stress?
Take a practical approach and cut yourself some slack. Balancing family and career can seem daunting, but letting go of perfection is often the first step in creating a life that’s perfectly good.
